Because Ultimately I Just Like to Torture Myself

It’s not news that my health is pure crap.  I have Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, Pelvic Wall Dysfunction (domino effect to SI Joint Syndrome, Piriformis Syndrome, and Sciatica), IBS, Migraines, and an overall immune system of a goldfish.  I’m constantly juggling ways to help my body better function so that I may have some semblance of a normal life.  My brain calculates basic human functions as if each day were the most intense chess game of my life.  Every move counts.  Every ounce of sleep.  Every bite of food I take.  Every activity from watching paint dry to playing in a softball tournament.  I have to prepare my body for everything I do, or my body crashes and I end up either bed ridden or in a hospital.

I digress.

In the name of perhaps working myself ahead of my body, attempting to eliminate symptoms over living a life of constantly treating them, I set the proverbial ball rolling on a ten-day Raw Food Detox.  Rhonda was totally on board from the get-go and in a fit of momentary insanity, our dear friend, Becky jumped on the bandwagon.  We are currently on day two, which means all we can think about is eating deep fried cheeseburgers wrapped in pizza and dipped in peanut butter.

Going into this I knew the first few days would be extremely tough.  I’m actually eating more food during the day than what I’m used to, but the design of the what and when I’m eating is boosting my metabolism (as well as, eh-hem, cleansing my system).  So I pretty much think I’m perpetually dying of starvation.  Dramatic?  Absolutely.  But I also gave up coffee/caffeine cold turkey, and whoa buddy the withdrawals!  Last night I had a dream about that old coffee commercial starring that Columbian guy and his coffee bean toting donkey… you know what I’m talking about, right?  I’m pretty sure dream me tried to ride off into the sunset with that donkey.  Which is beyond ideal because then I’d have a pet donkey and two baskets full of raw caffeine.

Where was I?  …Right! Detox!

I know if I stick with it it will get better.  Even day two is easier than day one.  And each day, more food is added to the meal plan.  I can absolutely do this.  And the food IS truly enjoyable.  I love everything we’re eating and I’m already experiencing some interesting results as well as noticing some changes in my body’s functionality.  I’m growing more hopeful with each meal that this process will teach me so much more about how to manage my body, and how to get it feeling better on a more consecutive and long term basis.  I just need to get through this first handful of days.

Ugh… I’d kill for a mother fucking BLT right now.

*If you’re interested: The plan we’re following is Chapter 3 of the book “Detox for the Rest of Us.”

One of the Rare Occasions I Actually Voice A Political Opinion

I’m not one to jump on the political bandwagon.  I’m an Aquarian, so I pretty much avoid conflict where I can.  I don’t ruffle feathers.  And I genuinely respect differences in opinion.  It’s the differences in opinions that make life interesting, so long as all parties are respectful of one another.  It’s how we learn points of view we otherwise might miss.  It’s how we grow and evolve as human beings.  So when it comes to politics, I’m not the first to jump up and go “grrrrrrrr.”  I listen.  I absorb.  I’m willing to learn something.

This last week however, I’ve become increasingly heavy hearted about a particular popular political topic.  And if I let it go without saying anything, then I have no right to complain about my feelings getting hurt. And if I’m going for broke honest here, my feelings are more than hurt.  I’m broken hearted, actually.

At this point I believe it’s safe to say we’re all caught up on the issues and current candidates’ stances on said issues.  I don’t think it’ll come as a surprise to anyone for me to say that my vote is going to Obama.  That doesn’t mean I believe he’s the end all, be all of presidents.  And it’s not to say that I agree with absolutely everything he does and how he does it.  But the no holds bar issue for me here is that no matter where Romney or Obama fall on hundreds of thousands of issues, there’s one, singular issue that trumps any and all gray areas for debate for me: equal rights.  Why this topic is even up for such  poorly invested, gently (and not so gently) long-winded debate is beyond me.  It makes me question what the hell happened to humanity.  At the end of the day, it’s our job as human beings to regard one another as human beings.  Everything else is just details.

That being said, I’m having an extremely difficult time resting my emotions in the faces of the people who claim to support and love me as a gay woman.  The people who watched me marry my wife with nothing but good blessings.  The people who every day, refer to Rhonda as my wife, as their in-law, as a positive addition to their life because of my relationship with her.  And these people still claim to love and support my relationship and the rights that should accompany that relationship with the woman I love, yet have (or are planning to) cast a vote for Mitt Romney.  A man who is hellbent on destroying what few rights I do have in regards to sharing my life with another woman.  I understand and I’ve heard just about every argument for why someone would want to cast a vote for Romney.  And I’m not here to say that those reasons are wrong merely because I disagree with them.  But at the end of the day, what you’re saying to me is that any number of those reasons are more important to you than my civil rights.  Your vote for Romney, regardless the reason, means that you’re putting a reason before my civil rights.  And that breaks my heart.

I’m not saying to my friends and family who vote for Romney that I’m going to stop loving you.  I’m not going to ostracize you from my life.  I’m not going to request that you unfriend me on Facebook or otherwise tritefully judge you for your political decisions. However, I am saying that I’m going to feel very emotionally distant from you.  For how long, I don’t know.  I’m going to feel a sadness when I look at you and remember that when push came to shove, you didn’t stand up for my rights as a human being.  It’s an incredibly hard pill to swallow, particularly in the face of some of the people I love most in this world.  When it comes down to the bare bones of it all, nothing is more important than the welfare of our fellow human beings, especially the human beings we love and care about.  If you don’t support gay rights or equality in general.  If you know me personally and don’t support my marriage to Rhonda.  Then heck, vote for the guy who wants to keep me from visiting my wife in the hospital.  If that’s how you feel, I’ll respect your decision because it’s your decision to make.  But don’t tell me that you DO support me and then vote my rights away.  That’s what I find so damn heart breaking and hard to swallow.  So, please excuse me if I seem a bit emotionally on edge lately.  I’m working extremely hard on being accepting of the people who apparently don’t fully accept me.


Five Years Ago, Today

This happened:

“love alone is capable
of uniting living beings in such a way as to
complete and fulfill them
for it takes them
and joins them
by what is deepest in themselves”

And I couldn’t be happier.  I totally married my best friend, my greatest support, my love, and one of the funniest human beings I’ve ever met.  We laugh and love every day.  I really can’t ask for anything better than that.  –  Happy Five Years, Baby!  I still love you somethin’ awful.

Looking Back

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day and I missed it.  To make up for it I went back through my archives and read some previous years’ posts in honor of the holiday.  It was nice to bring that bit of perspective back to my current self.  More so it was nice to feel that I’m still connected to what I wrote.  That my hopes and my outlook haven’t changed.  If you’re interested in reading them:

(2010) “On the Shedding of Light and Love
(2009) “Check One

Also, my friend, Becky wrote a beautiful post about courage: read it here.

The Date Box: Fort Day

You remember when you were in high school and you got a “D” on your report card in a subject matter that you will use once in your life (this single class and then never again) but regardless, you’re pretty sure your parents are going to kill you for not excelling at trigonometric basket weaving, so (sweet bajeebus this is the longest run-on sentence ever) you tell your parents you’re pregnant?  And as they’re simultaneously reaching for the knife drawer you shout, “NO!  Not really!  But I’m a complete failure at finding out how many isosceles triangles it takes to make a macrame owl. I’m so sorry, I’ll go pour the white-out on my college applications now.”  You know?!  No?  Just me?  Moving on…

When we drew “Fort Day!!!” out of The Date Box, my tiny pea of a brain decided it was the most brilliant idea ever to lead with, “So honey, I think we should first mount some hooks in the ceiling.  You know, so this can be one serious, bad motherfucker of a fort.”  And then ten minutes later after two more mugs of coffee and intensive sessions of CPR, I was at least able to use things like light stands, broom handles and tent poles instead of couch cushions.  Couch cushions are for amateurs.  Or five-year-olds.

My parents should be happy to read that I did, indeed use some form of Physics (that’s science!) to construct our fort.  The rest of my energy was spent reassuring Rhonda that I wasn’t going to poke anyone’s eye out.  See, Rhonda’s idea of a fort is a sheet over the dining room table.  I was less than supportive or understanding of her vision.  Because, see, MY vision was very tunneled in the direction of “serious, bad motherfucker of a fort.”  I wanted to “WOW” Rhonda with my mad fort skillz.  An hour later, as we lounged and made out in the coziest, prettiest fort that ever did fort, I’d say I WON.

Three days later, we finally took it town.

Presenting, The Love Hut:

You can see Rhonda’s step-by-step documentation of the fort construction HERE.

And Every Time We’d Say Something About Our Box, We’d Giggle Like 12-Year-Old Boys

Every year Rhonda and I have the week between Christmas and New Year’s off from work.  We try to take advantage of that time to travel, but this year (for a number of reasons) we weren’t feeling the whole traveling thing.  And if you know anything about me at all, you definitely know that I’d sooner cut off a limb than sit around the house on my ass for ten days.  Solution?  The Date Box.

For a month or so prior to our holiday, Rhonda and I kept separate lists of things we’d like to do together.  Some pretty large, full day activities.  Some were mere jaunts or a good way to kill an hour or two.  We bought a lovely, raw wood box and painted it together.  We wrote down each of our list items on little cards, folded them, and tossed ‘em in the box.  Every day for the week we were off, we would pull things out of our box (tee-hee) and NO MATTER WHAT, we had to do whatever we drew.  Depending on the time of day and type of activity we selected, we would postpone an outing here and there.  We rearranged our dates as necessary, and it worked out extremely well.  In fact, we loved the whole Date Box thing so much that we’re going to keep writing down dates and depositing them in the box as they come to us.  And on weekends or evenings when we don’t have anything going on, we’ll consult our box (tee-hee).

For our holiday week, The Date Box gave us:

-Try a new coffee shop/cafe.
-Take a walk somewhere new.
-Find and go see some live music.
-Fort Day!!!
-Go bowling.
-Go to a random museum.
-Try a new restaurant.
-Go on a reading field trip.
-Go see a movie at The Showboat Drive-In Movie Theater.

These things were of course, in addition to our regularly scheduled holiday celebrations.  Also throughout the week, if we were invited by friends to take part in something outside of our box (tee-hee), we totally went for it.  Our major goal for the ten days was not so much to stick strictly to any rules, but to go with the flow and do whatever the week presented to us.  Therefore we also got to squeeze in tons of lunch and dinner dates with friends.  A field trip to the movies and a new tea house.  A shopping and Starbucks sprint through Target.  Lots of fun family time.  And many, many incredible hours of sleep (DEAR LORD I’d forgotten how wonderful it is to sleep ’til noon).  All in all?  Last week kicked ass.  And in the next few (to possibly many) posts, I’ll be detailing our awesome dates.  Aww, yeah… get ready for Fort Day photos.