Because Ultimately I Just Like to Torture Myself

It’s not news that my health is pure crap.  I have Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, Pelvic Wall Dysfunction (domino effect to SI Joint Syndrome, Piriformis Syndrome, and Sciatica), IBS, Migraines, and an overall immune system of a goldfish.  I’m constantly juggling ways to help my body better function so that I may have some semblance of a normal life.  My brain calculates basic human functions as if each day were the most intense chess game of my life.  Every move counts.  Every ounce of sleep.  Every bite of food I take.  Every activity from watching paint dry to playing in a softball tournament.  I have to prepare my body for everything I do, or my body crashes and I end up either bed ridden or in a hospital.

I digress.

In the name of perhaps working myself ahead of my body, attempting to eliminate symptoms over living a life of constantly treating them, I set the proverbial ball rolling on a ten-day Raw Food Detox.  Rhonda was totally on board from the get-go and in a fit of momentary insanity, our dear friend, Becky jumped on the bandwagon.  We are currently on day two, which means all we can think about is eating deep fried cheeseburgers wrapped in pizza and dipped in peanut butter.

Going into this I knew the first few days would be extremely tough.  I’m actually eating more food during the day than what I’m used to, but the design of the what and when I’m eating is boosting my metabolism (as well as, eh-hem, cleansing my system).  So I pretty much think I’m perpetually dying of starvation.  Dramatic?  Absolutely.  But I also gave up coffee/caffeine cold turkey, and whoa buddy the withdrawals!  Last night I had a dream about that old coffee commercial starring that Columbian guy and his coffee bean toting donkey… you know what I’m talking about, right?  I’m pretty sure dream me tried to ride off into the sunset with that donkey.  Which is beyond ideal because then I’d have a pet donkey and two baskets full of raw caffeine.

Where was I?  …Right! Detox!

I know if I stick with it it will get better.  Even day two is easier than day one.  And each day, more food is added to the meal plan.  I can absolutely do this.  And the food IS truly enjoyable.  I love everything we’re eating and I’m already experiencing some interesting results as well as noticing some changes in my body’s functionality.  I’m growing more hopeful with each meal that this process will teach me so much more about how to manage my body, and how to get it feeling better on a more consecutive and long term basis.  I just need to get through this first handful of days.

Ugh… I’d kill for a mother fucking BLT right now.

*If you’re interested: The plan we’re following is Chapter 3 of the book “Detox for the Rest of Us.”

So I imagine this is what fostering a cute, fluffy animal is like, right about the time you’re handing the cute and fluffy over to its “forever home.”

Cherry Blossom: Paper, spray paint, charcoal, India ink and acrylic on canvas.

My “Cherry Blossom” painting sold.  It has been hanging in our guest room at home for the last few years.  I had originally painted this piece as a commission to hang in a salon/spa space that sadly, had to close its doors after Hurricane Ike and the recession hit almost simultaneously.  The paintings I created for that space were given back to me.  And with the exception of one, they’ve all found pretty perfect resting places on walls in our home.

A friend of mine recently stumbled upon a photo of my beloved cherry blossom and immediately made me an offer.  I had created this piece with the initial intent of selling it.  I wasn’t expecting the side affect of falling a little bit in love with having it hanging at our house for so long.  Attachments aside, I happily parted with the painting.  I know it’s going to be well cared for, and since it went to a friend I get to visit my cherry blossom any time I want.

A few days after delivering the painting I received a text message with a photo of the final resting place for my cherry blossom.  I get really excited when people who have purchased my works send me photos of those works in their home.  More so when I sell pieces to strangers all over the country.  It’s just nice to get a glimpse of these pieces of me and pieces of what I love so much merging with these foreign spaces.  To be given the opportunity to view what others see in my work by how they display it.  It’s an honor, really.  And it’s nice to see my babies thriving in their new homes.

Road Trip to Nowhere

Since all the health issues have taken over my life, I haven’t been able to do much in the photography department.  I crave photo shoots the way some people crave chocolate as a replacement for therapy.  I’ve also been craving a road trip.  Not necessarily anything long or extreme, per say.  Just one of those moods where all you want to do is get in your car and drive with no purpose.  Which is exactly what my Betty and the Bear shooting partner, Kramer and I did on Saturday (with the lovely company of my photography loving wife, Rhonda, as well).  Kramer and I had some B&tB shooting to do as well as some personal projects to work on.  Rhonda has a shiny new Canon DSLR that’s she’s still learning and she has an incredible eye for scenery.  Plus, she lets me put her in fun outfits and humors me when I need an extra model.

We grabbed some props, a few clothing options, some snacks, and our camera gear; and we hit the road.  No destination in mind.  We just picked out a highway and a direction and went where the universe took us.  Apparently the universe liked Peach Creek and Downtown Cleveland.

*You can view Rhonda’s set here.


“Twilight Epiphany”

Artist, James Turrell recently graced Houston’s Rice University campus with one of his incredible installations.  “Twilight Epiphany,” Turrell’s 73rd skyspace, is acoustically sound and programmed for light shows.  Glenda, Michelle, Rhonda and I went to check it out just after sunrise on Saturday.  SweetArtInstallationSerotoninSqueeFest!  It is my third and favorite Turrell installation to have experienced.  And I cannot wait to go back again for one of the sunset performances.

Photo by Rhonda Rubin
Frame the Sky
Bathed in Turrell filtered light.

                           Elation                                                            Joy

Rabbit Hole
Photo by Glenda Sims
Photo by Glenda Sims
Besties: Michelle, Glenda, Rhonda

Like Ordering Shoes on the Internet Except Way Better

My Internet home-girl, Susannah of just launched her very own baking business!  There are no words for how elated I am for her and this incredible new endeavor.  More so, I can’t say what it means that she asked me to help with her logo design.  It was a completely terrifying and yet awesomely challenging request that I loved having the opportunity to tackle.  It really is an honor just to be nominated.

I did this.  You’ll see it around the site here and there.
Her web developer incorporated it into the text like this.  A well executed collaboration I think.  Susannah knew what she wanted and gave amazing direction.  Also, she’s completely lovely and fun to work with.

Bad Kitty Bakery is officially up and running.  And if you’re looking for some solid advice today: go buy something.  Anything.  You can’t go wrong.  Susannah is the real deal and so are her baked goods.  I would know, I’ve sampled some.  I myself cannot wait to order enough macarons to build a macaron fort so that I may lock myself inside and eat my way out.  What?!  That’s completely normal…


Go check out her amazing site and treat yourself to something nice, like a pound cake.  You’ve earned it.

Since I’m Celebrating My Last Year in My Twenties

Imma live photo bomb this page with my birthday as it unfolds.  ALL WEEKEND LONG.  I know, the Internet hasn’t been this exciting since the invention of Youtube.  You?  Are welcome.

My first birthday card given to me a day early by my Pookie Bear, Kramer. He knows me, he really knows me (this card made me laugh so hard I might have peed a couple drops).
In my car when I left for work this morning. Addressed to “My Gorgeous Wife.” Awwwwweeeeee… I know. I just puked rainbows, too.
I got to work and I was all, “Dammit it’s my birthday! I’m havin’ Donut Gems! And Coffee! And no one can stop me!” Consequently, I’m rockin’ a wicked sugar high and I’m pretty sure I’m hallucinating just a teensy bit. Whatevs. WORTH IT.
I booted up my computer this morning to find that my Facebook had exploded. I’m rather touched. Particularly by my friends who said things like “Happy birthday! I miss you touching my naughty parts!” Which will be fun for my Grandma to read. I have the greatest peeps ever.
And then my phone started blowing up and it’s been going off all day. It’s making me all warm and gooey inside. I imagine this is what cookie dough feels like when it’s just about to come out of the oven.
Birthday lunch! It may not look like much, but this is one of my favorite salads from a local, family owned deli.  Plus, it was bought for me.  FREE birthday lunch!  Even better!
These were my lunch dates: Dad, Hoops & Yo-Yo.
And then Rhonda eludes to dirty stuff, not deterring our friends but only egging them on… Again I say, “I love my peeps.”
And then a knock at my office door for the delivery of a bouquet of my favorite flower! Thanks, Mom & Steve!
At the BRC (Big Red Cock) Having a couple of beers at the bar before dinner. Yes, it’s a Hipstamatic photo but I couldn’t get a decent shot in such low light. Even with a 1.4 lens on 1600ISO. So lay off the ironic hipster jokes. Also, Austin Amber Ale is pretty darn good. In case you were wondering.
Dinner and Dessert: Pork chops and macaroni. And SNICKERS BEIGNETS. Yeah, I’ll wait a moment while you let that sink in. They were “HOLY CRAP” good.
This is me and my Grams at dinner. Not shown here: Rhonda, my Dad, and bestie, Ileya. It was a good time had by all.  Also, don’t ask me why I’m doing the Paris Hilton stink eye.  That one beer must’ve really done me in or something…

Friday night I got to continue celebrating with our Compound Crew (seven years and running!), which meant Cake!  And Starbucks!  And duck jokes!

Some of the best cupcakes ever made. And an extra special birthday soy latte. So totally perfect.
Tim had to console Sugar because we wouldn’t let her have any cupcakes. Poor, mistreated puppy…
I really love that my friends give me sentimental stuff like nice coasters with photos in them and framed pictures… and a “not a pet duck” pet duck phone. They butter me up and then poke me with a stick. And they wouldn’t be my friends otherwise. :)
I had to immediately call someone to tell them that I was talking to them from a duck. So naturally I called my mother.


The next day was Rhonda’s designated “Pamper Lindsey Day” (I know, I totally have the best wife EVER).  We got Thai Massages and then mani-pedis in massage chairs and then we went out to a lovely dinner at one of my absolute favorite restaurants, t’afia.  Seriously, my wife is kinda, totally, awesomely awesome.

Best place for an authentic Thai Massage in Houston. We would know. We went to Thailand. Plus, the place is so cozy and the staff so wonderful and kind and happy. Hitting up West Gray Thai Massage is a bit like Disney World for me.

I wish I had shot more images on “Pamper Lindsey Day,” but I was a bit too noodly to handle a camera.  Next weekend when my mom totally spoils me for my birthday, I’ll be sure to rock out the images.

To be continued…

And Not One Person Offered to Beat Me Up

Per my previous post and my self congratulatory smart-ass ensemble: Nothing happened.  At least not to me.  I don’t think a single person (with exception to my escorts) noticed the fact that I was rockin’ a near-naked Daniel Radcliffe ever so delicately plastered across my chest.  See?  I even took a crappy picture for you guys:

Team Gryffindor!

And to add insult to injury, it appears that the one and only Bloggess MAJORLY out-staged me in the “let’s make fun of the crazy, teenage Twilight fans” category.  That’s fine.  She deserves to win because she’s clearly more dedicated to the cause than me.  Also, I think she’s fabulous.

But!  Did she get a front row seat to a Twi-hard fight before the movie?  I THINK NOT.  Reader’s Digest version:  Some tweens in matching Breaking Dawn outfits got their seats stolen by some bitches who didn’t even bother to dress up for one of the greatest moments in cinematic history, which eventually ended in police escort and applause.  I had an unobstructed view of the whole thing.  It was like watching the Sharks fight the Jets but with less musical entertainment and Latin flair, and with more grammatically incorrect, teenage girl screeching.  Before the five cops came in (yeah, FIVE), there was first an usher.   And then another two ushers with the manager (that’s three ushers, a manager, and five cops… bitches be crazy).  Fortunately, justice was properly served and the Twi-hards got to see the movie.  Which is more than fair considering how ridiculous they looked in their outfits.  I tried to snap a photo of the fight so I could be all, “Yeah!  Lookit this shit goin’ down!”  The quality of which is crappier than my iron-on shirt design and it really doesn’t capture the essence I was going for (cat fight!).  But whatever, here it is:

Do you see the police officer? Do you see anything else? Because I can’t… Well, except for those things that look like lit up Twizzlers.  And now I want a Twizzler.  That glows in the dark.  Somebody get on that.  Ravers everywhere will make it a billion dollar industry.  Wait.  Do ravers still exist or am I the only person left on the planet that enjoys watching people on XTC spin around to techno music and repurpose highlighters into sensory objects?  Yeah?  Just me?  Okay then.


Insert Teenage Girl Squealing Here

So, I got persuaded at gunpoint talked into attending the midnight release of the latest film in the Twilight saga.  And if we’re being honest here, I’m actually pretty excited about it.  The social experiment nerd in me is all over the whole shrieking teenage girls and angsty pre-teen boys phenomena that surrounds the Twilight enterprise.  I feel like I’m about to get on a ride at Universal Studios where the passengers are taken on a journey through this crazy, hormonal, Brittney Spears perfume smelling, loud, giggling, excitable atmosphere that reminds us a little bit about what we were like when we were their age.  There’s something about the excitement of it all that I’m attracted to and I feel like this may be one of the best people watching experiences of my life.

But because I’m me and and me is a bit of a poke the crazy fans with a stick pain-in-the-ass, I’m going to be wearing this shirt design (that I just created and will be ironing onto a shirt when I get home. I didn’t buy it anywhere and I don’t plan to sell any, so please PR people for Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and Equus don’t come after me… it’s just a one-night joke):

Team Jacob? Team Edward? Hell, no!  Team Harry Potter!

I’m sorry Taylor Lautner, but if I’m going to stare at a (contractually obligated) half naked man, I’m into nerds with ponies… not wolves with a stage five clinger complex.