Since I’m Celebrating My Last Year in My Twenties

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Imma live photo bomb this page with my birthday as it unfolds.  ALL WEEKEND LONG.  I know, the Internet hasn’t been this exciting since the invention of Youtube.  You?  Are welcome.

My first birthday card given to me a day early by my Pookie Bear, Kramer. He knows me, he really knows me (this card made me laugh so hard I might have peed a couple drops).
In my car when I left for work this morning. Addressed to “My Gorgeous Wife.” Awwwwweeeeee… I know. I just puked rainbows, too.
I got to work and I was all, “Dammit it’s my birthday! I’m havin’ Donut Gems! And Coffee! And no one can stop me!” Consequently, I’m rockin’ a wicked sugar high and I’m pretty sure I’m hallucinating just a teensy bit. Whatevs. WORTH IT.
I booted up my computer this morning to find that my Facebook had exploded. I’m rather touched. Particularly by my friends who said things like “Happy birthday! I miss you touching my naughty parts!” Which will be fun for my Grandma to read. I have the greatest peeps ever.
And then my phone started blowing up and it’s been going off all day. It’s making me all warm and gooey inside. I imagine this is what cookie dough feels like when it’s just about to come out of the oven.
Birthday lunch! It may not look like much, but this is one of my favorite salads from a local, family owned deli.  Plus, it was bought for me.  FREE birthday lunch!  Even better!
These were my lunch dates: Dad, Hoops & Yo-Yo.
And then Rhonda eludes to dirty stuff, not deterring our friends but only egging them on… Again I say, “I love my peeps.”
And then a knock at my office door for the delivery of a bouquet of my favorite flower! Thanks, Mom & Steve!
At the BRC (Big Red Cock) Having a couple of beers at the bar before dinner. Yes, it’s a Hipstamatic photo but I couldn’t get a decent shot in such low light. Even with a 1.4 lens on 1600ISO. So lay off the ironic hipster jokes. Also, Austin Amber Ale is pretty darn good. In case you were wondering.
Dinner and Dessert: Pork chops and macaroni. And SNICKERS BEIGNETS. Yeah, I’ll wait a moment while you let that sink in. They were “HOLY CRAP” good.
This is me and my Grams at dinner. Not shown here: Rhonda, my Dad, and bestie, Ileya. It was a good time had by all.  Also, don’t ask me why I’m doing the Paris Hilton stink eye.  That one beer must’ve really done me in or something…

To be continued…

The Florida Post (Fi-nal-ly)

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So, long story short: I’ve been dying of the plague (again) and I’ve neglected my blog and you all (again).  And if I could afford ponies made of chocolate sprinkles for all of you, I’d totally hook you up because I truly am sorry for my absence.  I hate when I’m not posting regularly.  Anyway…

Check out our trip to Florida!

We took a fan boat tour through The Everglades, and it was one of the coolest fucking things I’ve ever done. I want to go back to the 10,000 Islands with my own fan boat for a couple of months and just explore. And then maybe I’d finally see a giant python eat a gator. Anyway, this is the view from one of the 10,000 Islands. It’s a bit perfect.
This is me and Rhonda having the time of our lives on the fan boat. And that’s Captain Robert. And no, we did not lose a bet, we wore those hats proudly.  *Photo by my Dad*
This brown pelican kicked it on our boat with us for a while. Nice guy.
Lin and Dad kicked it on the boat with us too. Uhhhhh… check out that view! Zooming through those channels was ah-may-zing.
Mangrove Tunnel. *Photo by Rhonda*
This is me with a baby gator. And this was the only pose I could think of in the moment. I’m surprised that thing didn’t whip around and bite off my nose for being such a smart-ass. *Photo by Rhonda*
Instead of feeding a baby gator my nose, I fed a giraffe some lettuce. In this exact moment I was having an in depth conversation with the giraffe about Gene Simmons. *Photo by my Dad*

Also at the Naples Zoo we saw:

Monkeys.
White Ibis.
Pretty Flowers.
And among so many other animals, some macaws.

When we weren’t out playing and eating.  We were relaxing with adult beverages and books on our condo’s wrap-around terrace.

I know… go ahead and hate us.  *Photo by Rhonda*

Macawwwwwwwwww… That Sucks.

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I saw these guys and immediately flipped my shit because I thought that maybe they were paid by the Naples Zoo to pass out free Fruit Loops to us patrons.  And then Rhonda was all, “You moron, you’re thinking of a toucan.”  And then I was sad because I was dumb AND I still didn’t have any Fruit Loops.

“Have you met my friend, Paul? This is Paul. What’s that? Oh, yeah, yeah, he always looks like that. Hasn’t touched a single drug in his life though, can you believe it? I know. He looks stoned. But I promise he isn’t! Uncanny, right? Well here you are. Like I said, this is Paul and I’m Merve. I’ve been told I talk a lot. Oh, hey, listen to me going on… would you like a frothy beverage or a dehydrated peanut or something? I’d offer you a Fruit Loop but I’m not a toucan.”

More from our trip to Florida to come.

Still Wondering if She Had Insanely Awesome Gaydar or Simply Dumb Luck

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Last Friday as I trotted up the steps to the Museum of Natural Science to purchase a membership (to be given as a gift), I noticed a group of six-ish college age kids handing something out to passersby.  They certainly didn’t work for the museum.  And they didn’t seem to be pushing religious pamphlets or flyers for the new taco place around the corner.  Just as I was getting really curious, a girl approached me with a giant grin and handed me this:

But apparently I DO need candy canes.

Sweet.  Candy from strangers!

 

Some Whining, a Little Humor (but Mostly Whining) and (Shocker!) Some Sick Stuff (Also Whining. You’ve Been Warned)

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Since I got sick with the Flu a couple of months ago, and then sort-of healed, and then got sick again with some other strand of Ebola, and then sort-of made it through Thanksgiving, and then sort-of healed again, all the while playing a game of Battleship with the Sciatica in my back (not to mention the regularly scheduled illness crap): I still haven’t fully recovered.  My body is, in theory, mostly where it needs to be.  My brain and my energy levels are not.  It has taken a huge emotional toll on me, and therefore every part of me is exhausted of any and all resources.

I’m so physically, mentally and emotionally drained right now that I’ve been pretty unresponsive to doing anything.  Which is nothing like me.  I’m always proactive, organized, full of energy, ready for anything, up for everything, and adamant about putting everyone first before me.  I take care of my responsibilities.  I take care of the people around me.  I take care of my strict illness regimen.  I’m used to taking on life at full force.

But right now I kind-of don’t care.  I’m not being active in any way, shape or form because of my back.  I’m trying to not overexert myself so I don’t relapse into another sickness.  I’m spending more of my free time sleeping instead of being a productive member of society.  I feel tired ALL THE TIME.  So all I really want to do is go back to sleep except I’m sick of lying around.  But the moment I come up with something productive to accomplish, the thought of getting up to attack it is too tiring to bear so I find something else to occupy my brain that doesn’t require doing anything.

I know.  I sound pathetic.  I feel pathetic.

Yesterday I just so happened to have an appointment with my Psychiatrist, so I filled her in on my current state of “MEH.”  We talked about it.  We talked about me.  And then we braided each other’s hair and ate cookie dough while my Psychiatrist proceeded to tell me that where I’m having some in and out moments of depression, I’m not depressed.  And basically it’s as simple as: my body has been through a  lot.  I haven’t caught a break in a few months.  So my body is just really, REALLY fucking tired.  And battling my body every day has made me really, REALLY fucking tired.  And everything I’ve been doing with the not doing of anything?  Is what I should be doing and as I keep feeling better bit by tiny bit, I can increase my activity levels and moods will improve and then I can take over the world.  Or something.

Until then, I’m struggling just to keep my attention focused on getting any single task accomplished (like answering a phone, or putting some laundry away, or shaving my legs.  These are difficult, tricky tasks, people).  My spirit is trying so hard to come up and I’m trying desperately to come up with it as my body lags behind me.  I swear I’m still alive and I haven’t completely turned to the dark side (although I hear they have cookies over there), but I am a little scattered right now and until my body starts getting back on track I’m gonna be struggling.  I guess in a way that’s my disclaimer for my “MEH” state.  So there you have it, Internet.  I’m way off right now but I’ll get back to me soon enough.  And when I do get back, I promise to bring lots of fun-ness and maybe even some confetti and pony rides.  Only the best for you.

XOXO

Series for Sale!

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Because of storage issues and because it’s that time of the year when people are scooping up their holiday bargains, I’m offering up a bargain of my own.  I have a series of six (matted and framed, 23″x27″ in the frame) abstract paintings that I’m offering up as a set for a flat $1,000.  I painted this series in 2009 for hanging in the original Barnaby’s restaurant.  Each painting was originally posted for $300 a piece (that’s $1,800 for the set).  So you’re looking at an $800 break here!  Do you have (or do you know someone who has) a home or business space with lots of wall real estate needing cohesive coverage?  Then this deal is for you!

Check out my “Jolted Awake” series and comment here or email me at lindseysmo@gmail.com if you’re interested.  I accept cash, checks, and credit cards.  And I’m willing to ship (buyer pays shipping fees) outside of the Houston area.  I’m happy to deliver to anyone living in or around the Houston area.

Thanks so much!

Pretty Apropos Actually

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I’ve been majorly busy playing host to a various omnibus of illnesses and consequently, I have seriously neglected my artwork.  The last Work of Art assignment was to create a street art (of which I’m a HUGE fan) inspired piece.  I managed to work out a raw sketch for what I wanted to paint before my immune system took an unapproved vacation from my body.  And where I’m finally starting to feel better and get my schedule somewhat on track, I haven’t quite found the energy to put this down on canvas.  But maybe posting it  here on the blog to be all up in my face will give me the push I need to finish this piece.  Because I have a feeling I’m going to fall madly in love with this one.  I’m already smitten with the raw sketch.

untitled for now

And Not One Person Offered to Beat Me Up

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Per my previous post and my self congratulatory smart-ass ensemble: Nothing happened.  At least not to me.  I don’t think a single person (with exception to my escorts) noticed the fact that I was rockin’ a near-naked Daniel Radcliffe ever so delicately plastered across my chest.  See?  I even took a crappy picture for you guys:

Team Gryffindor!

And to add insult to injury, it appears that the one and only Bloggess MAJORLY out-staged me in the “let’s make fun of the crazy, teenage Twilight fans” category.  That’s fine.  She deserves to win because she’s clearly more dedicated to the cause than me.  Also, I think she’s fabulous.

But!  Did she get a front row seat to a Twi-hard fight before the movie?  I THINK NOT.  Reader’s Digest version:  Some tweens in matching Breaking Dawn outfits got their seats stolen by some bitches who didn’t even bother to dress up for one of the greatest moments in cinematic history, which eventually ended in police escort and applause.  I had an unobstructed view of the whole thing.  It was like watching the Sharks fight the Jets but with less musical entertainment and Latin flair, and with more grammatically incorrect, teenage girl screeching.  Before the five cops came in (yeah, FIVE), there was first an usher.   And then another two ushers with the manager (that’s three ushers, a manager, and five cops… bitches be crazy).  Fortunately, justice was properly served and the Twi-hards got to see the movie.  Which is more than fair considering how ridiculous they looked in their outfits.  I tried to snap a photo of the fight so I could be all, “Yeah!  Lookit this shit goin’ down!”  The quality of which is crappier than my iron-on shirt design and it really doesn’t capture the essence I was going for (cat fight!).  But whatever, here it is:

Do you see the police officer? Do you see anything else? Because I can’t… Well, except for those things that look like lit up Twizzlers.  And now I want a Twizzler.  That glows in the dark.  Somebody get on that.  Ravers everywhere will make it a billion dollar industry.  Wait.  Do ravers still exist or am I the only person left on the planet that enjoys watching people on XTC spin around to techno music and repurpose highlighters into sensory objects?  Yeah?  Just me?  Okay then.

 

Insert Teenage Girl Squealing Here

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So, I got persuaded at gunpoint talked into attending the midnight release of the latest film in the Twilight saga.  And if we’re being honest here, I’m actually pretty excited about it.  The social experiment nerd in me is all over the whole shrieking teenage girls and angsty pre-teen boys phenomena that surrounds the Twilight enterprise.  I feel like I’m about to get on a ride at Universal Studios where the passengers are taken on a journey through this crazy, hormonal, Brittney Spears perfume smelling, loud, giggling, excitable atmosphere that reminds us a little bit about what we were like when we were their age.  There’s something about the excitement of it all that I’m attracted to and I feel like this may be one of the best people watching experiences of my life.

But because I’m me and and me is a bit of a poke the crazy fans with a stick pain-in-the-ass, I’m going to be wearing this shirt design (that I just created and will be ironing onto a shirt when I get home. I didn’t buy it anywhere and I don’t plan to sell any, so please PR people for Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and Equus don’t come after me… it’s just a one-night joke):

Team Jacob? Team Edward? Hell, no!  Team Harry Potter!

I’m sorry Taylor Lautner, but if I’m going to stare at a (contractually obligated) half naked man, I’m into nerds with ponies… not wolves with a stage five clinger complex.